Wall Street Journal..."Did I Get Married Too Soon"?

December 16th 1977

November 2009

I was 19 (almost 20), Bob was 21 and recently home from his mission when we got married. We knew each other in High School...sort of. He had a girlfriend (that would be you Judy) and I was two years younger and didn't really run in his circle. It was April of 1977 and I had just gotten home from a year at BYU when I saw him at a dance festival. We technically met for the first

time, we dated, we broke up (actually he dumped me) and then we got back together (three days later he regretted dumping me). Our first date was the first of June, we were engaged by October and married by December. There is a love story between these lines but that is not why I am writing this entry. Bob received an article in the Wall Street Journal written by a staff member at Institute for American Values entitled "Did I Get Married Too Soon?" To both pro and con advocates I will be really honest. There were times I thought I had. I loved Bob and wanted to marry him so I did. I had a Hollywood idea of what marriage would be like and found out that it is much easier create a love story in an 1 1/2 hours on a movie screen then to create one in real life. Only one night at the movies and you have wives all over

the world saying to their husbands..."Why aren't you more like Edward!!!" I haven't read the books or seen the movies but I associate with enough young women and grown women alike to know it has had a damaging impact on their idea of what love really is. Vampires....really? I once heard a women lecturing on this subject. She was trying to help detox her daughter from the effects of the movie "Titanic". I remember one of my daughters (it was Kendra and her friend Katy Slade) coming home with her friend, both being in tears over the death of Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie. Kate and Leonardo...now they had a real love story. She then went on to say, "It's a good thing that boy died because the minute he hit shore he would have been gone." I laughed at her brutal honesty on the subject. My biggest problem in getting married so young was that I was immature.I dove head first into a world where I had to be selfless, loyal, hard working, careful with money, careful with words. The list goes on and on.

What I know now that I didn't know then is that I made the right choice...for me. What I could not see then, I see so clearly now. I saw it this week when I went to lunch with a young friend of mine that has been married only 9 months. The transformation is taking place in her and she is beautiful. How do you best teach a young woman service. Place her newborn child in her arms.

(Jessica as a baby. I don't remember everything being so orange and that I have no pictures of her and I when she was a newborn baby!)

How do you teach a young woman selflessness? Support a husband through the countless hours of school and/or work. Even sweeter is if he knows he is coming home to a wife that greets him with an understanding spirit and a warmed up plate of dinner. How do you teach a young woman about order and clean. Let her experience the chaos of a dirty home and piled up laundry. She learns quickly the virtue of hard work and sees the spirit of peace in her home when she creates a house of order. I was so busy developing these skills out of necessity (usually due to a lack of funds), that I didn't notice the incremental growth along the way. I did not have the wisdom at 19 to know this but at 52 it is as clear as day.

I told my husband on our date last night that I came up with the perfect analogy for this article. I was told once that the best way to get through your day was to start with the challenging things first so that your evenings are peaceful. It is true of marriage and family. Start while you are young and fresh and full of energy. Grow and stretch through your eternal progression. Rid yourself of all the human tendencies that make you miserable. Life will never be without it's challenges, old or young, but my life is more peaceful now. I am content and love sharing the "evenings" with my husband. It is so much sweeter than I had anticipated. So here's to 32 years and growing up together.

In the dirt with Grandma.

I got to watch Elli and Wesley the other day while Jessica ran some errands. I had some gardening and thought "What a perfect activity for my grandkids! I'll get so much done and we'll have so much fun doing it!" OK, We had a lot of fun.

Elli insisted on raking the pots we had just planted. We lost a little dirt but the plants survived.

Wesley said that only blue gloves would do. Thank heavens Targets marketing team agreed with him.

First an old fashioned picnic...except I got the food at Wendys which technically makes it not so old fashioned. I could have fried up some chicken and made some potato salad but why?

Gender gardening tools. Gotta love Target.

Wesley got the hang of it and lasted about 2 mintues. Elli's contribution was raking the stone. But who cares, her entire ensemble was color coordinates...pink and green...what else matters?

Zero tolerance for dirt in her shoes. She did this more than worked in it...

But look! We have matching shoes! Mine are on the left I am embarrassed to admit. It's my Mom's fault. I guess with two of us to cook (I'm a twin) she just got tired and didn't finish my feet.

Nature calls. I just wished it hadn't been in the bed we were just about to work in!

So the gardening didn't last long. Next up...running in the sprinklers!

A final shot of the work...I did. My grandkids contribution...not to pull it all out! Great day

To be chosen by a good man,,,

I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished and good;

to be admired, loved, and respected; to have a happy youth,

to be well and wisely married, and to lead useful, pleasant lives,

with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.

To be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing which can happen to a woman; and I sincerely hope my girls may know this beautiful experience...

Louisa May Alcott

"Little Woman"

Bob, thank you for choosing me all those years ago and for reminding me everyday that I am the best thing that ever happened to you. I feel the same about you. I love you.

Happy Valentines Day

Here's looking at you kid...

So first I must confess that I'm not a big dog lover. I grew up loving all our Pekinese dogs, all named Peppy so it seemed odd that that natural affection left me. Somehow the responsibilities of raising a large family was all I could do. We did get a few dogs for the kids. It was their job to do all the work...you know where this is going. This dog was suppose to teach them responsibility etc etc. It ended up just adding to mine. So...it was on one of those mornings after all the kids were off to school that I called up the want ads and offered our Cocker Spaniel...for free. I began taking phone calls and by the next morning I had found a kind older woman that wanted the companionship and of the dog. It took three days before any of our kids notice.

This is not a story about a dog. It is the story of compassion. Chelsee and Ben had first alerted me to the fact that their was a stray dog running around the area. They could never get close enough to catch it but always left food out in the event it got brave enough to come close. Then one evening as Bob and I were walking around the yard we turned the corner to our back yard and there was the stray dog, settled onto our patio couch, comfy as could be. I tried to approach it but it ran off. As it did so we noticed that it was limping and that it had left a blood stain on the couch. I felt sorry for the little guy but he was gone and that was that. The next day I visited with some of the neighbors and found that they had been trying for weeks to get close enough to help. That evening as we were eating dinner I turned to see him again, perched on our couch outside. This time Bob stayed inside and I went out to see if I could help it. I spent the next thirty minutes just inching my way closer and closer. There was a lot of growling involved but the minute we made eye contact, that was that. We were friends at last. We were leaving for Salt Lake City the next day and so we asked Ben and Chelsee to keep an eye out for him. I knew he would not stay. Much to our surprise, on our way out the door for the airport, there he was waiting for me. We arranged with Ben and Chelsee to get him to a vet and by the end of the weekend he had a collar, a name and a home. We were discussing this at dinner in Utah and the theory that if you want to establish authority over a dog you should not make eye contact. I had heard of this before. I thought to myself how difficult it would be to bond with an animal if you never looked into their eyes. For that matter, bond with anyone. Eyes tell so much.

Ben named him Buddy.

Much to our surprise, Buddy knew all kinds of trick, the first we discovered was shaking hands.

We tried to tape a sock on his wounded foot to keep him from touching it. That lasted maybe 30 minutes!

Not sure if he's a mix or not but he is a beautiful dog all the same.

Ben and Buddy are best friends.

Home Sweet Home~