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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Positive Communication in Marriage

Yesterday I taught a lesson in our Spanish Branch from the Marriage and Family relations class.  It was on Positive Communication in marriage.  I shared an experience when my husband had come home from a priesthood meeting with an assignment to ask me what he was doing wrong and what he could do better as a husband and father.  In my silent moment before I responded I thought back on all the times I thought my constructive criticism would motivate my husband to change.  It never did.  It gave him now two tasks.  To change and to feel bad about himself.   I quickly responded...'Nothing.  You are perfect for me."  Of course, none of us are perfect but we should not dwell on what we aren't.  And with a spouse we feel turmoil about something we can do nothing about.  I can love him and build him up.  That I can do.  

Brigham Young councils women on this subject.  It can apply to both husband or wife.

"Were I a woman possessed of great powers of mind, filled with a wisdom, and, upon the whole, a magnanimous woman, and had been privileged with my choice, and had married a man...he not answering my expectations, and I being sorry that I made such a choice, let me show my wisdom by not complaining about it.  By seeking to cast off her husband, by withdrawing her confidence and good will from him, she casts a dark shade upon his path, when, by pursuing a proper course of love, obedience, and encouragement, he might attain to the perfection she had anticipated in him."

I confess my approach may appear too unrealistic so I asked all the men in the room when criticism from their wives helped.  Without exception they said "never". It is our nature, young and old alike...we improve with positive affirmation.  

With that thought I need to share something with my son...

Brad, I neglected to share something with you the other night that needed to be shared.  When we were in your home unpacking and you and I were organizing the food storage,  I was filled with gratitude as I thought how lucky your children were to have a father that is first of all obedient to a prophets voice but even more importantly you are taking seriously the responsibility to preside, provide and protect your little family.  Patience as a father will come because you want so much to be obedient.  I could not be more proud.  I love you.



Garden of Eden


I went to the temple with my daughter-in-law, Lael, this morning.  When I first met Lael, I found it was difficult to pronounce her name so I just called her Lilly. When things got a little more serious with Brad, I decided I was going to have to call her by her real name...and it has been so ever since.  I came upon a thought about the decision of whom to marry after my husband had shared a story with me about a family that has all three of their kids struggling with life choices.  If you choose a good man, dedicated to his faith you are a lucky woman but I don't believe it will have a large effect on their children's testimonies.  However, a young man needs to take extreme care in whom he chooses for a wife for I believe the strength of a child's testimony in the Savior and his gospel is observed, taught and cemented in the strength of the mother.  A good father provides, presides and protects.  A good mother nurtures and at her knee her children will become resolved in their faith.  I have nothing to fear for Kenedi, Cole and Chancy for they have a mother of such testimony.

Here are a few things I learned this morning in my study:
1.  When God placed angels (cherabum) and flaming swords to guard the three of life I simply thought He did not want them to live forever in their sins (Alma 41:3).  Yet in verse 4 he makes it clear that he was "granting time" to man to repent, "a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God."  And though the two thoughts work in concert with each other it was an enhancement of my understanding.  

2.  Alma is counseling his son Shiblon.  He is one of his youngest sons and though a great missionary he has a morality problem with a Lamanite girl by the name of Isabel.  During Alma's interview with his son he perceives that Shiblon feels that "it is injustice that the sinner should be consigned to a state of misery (Alma 42:1)."  Alma then explains the law of justice and the gift of mercy.  Then he says in Alma 42:29 "let these things trouble you no more, and only let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance.  We distract ourselves from the real issue of sin by complaining about the doctrine that would, if we were obedient, take away our sin.  

I love my family and hope that today you are all well...


Monday, May 25, 2009

Music that inspires

I am grateful for those blessed with the gift of music and their willingness to share it.  A great musician can play or sing a song and I will be unmoved but a musician that feels their music...it lifts my heart to heaven.  My thanks to those that were inspired and shared in Reflections of Christ.  It enhances my worship and I am so grateful.


Sunday, May 24, 2009

Brad and Lael need a blog!

By the way...I do have a son and daughter-in-law but they don't facebook or blog and so they are not a part of my contacts.  I am going to need to get Lael convinced of such an activity so I can show off all my kids!

A new chapter for me...












Annie graduated last Thursday (May 21st, 2009).  She is the last of our children and in two weeks will be in Hawaii for school.  After 31 years of raising children, my home will be empty of them. Because I have made great efforts to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for this inevitable day...I think I am going to be fine.  Watching my children grow on their own far outweighs the sorrow of watching them leave.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  It is a tender mercy from God that there comes a defined moment for everyone to set out on their own.  Both child and parent can feel and are sustained by it...even if it is hard at first.  
So what is next for me.  I have gone through all the logical thought processes and have come up with only one sure answer...I don't know.  I do know this.  God will reveal his hand to me if I am prepared to receive it.  With so much more time for myself I am finding time to study and reflect.  My private religious practices are improving and I am learning.  As I shared these moments with my husband, he has reminded me that it serves only me if I don't write it down and share.  And now you know the reason I created this blog.  I have been terrible about writing in a journal.  The idea of writing my daily thoughts and activities is just to personal and quite frankly mundane...but to make an effort everyday to learn and share what I've learned...I can do that.  So on these pages I offer insights from my day.  Much will come from my reflections while working in my garden, some will come as I listen and laugh with my family but most will come from my personal study time with the Savior.  Truly, it is changing my life.