Stepping into the darkness one foot at a time...

Sometimes I think I think to much.  As I gather up the courage for this next season I rarely here from older women the struggle I seem to be going through.  My greatest fear is that I will become obsolete.  As your children become adults they begin to make decisions separate from the council of Mom and Dad.  It's is the greatest blessing of a parent to see your children independent of you and making decisions...good and bad.  It's how we learn.  So after anguishing through many trains of thought I finally realized I was simply stalling.  For all the times I have told my kids to have couarage, do the hard things, keep progressing, I was not listening to my own council.  So two days ago I called Mesa Community College.  It was just a phone call.  I was not committing to anything.  I talked to a very nice man that informed me that taking a spanish class would require that I take the Placement Test!  OK, so forget the whole thing.  I haven't taken a test in 30+ years and even then I was not very good at it.  I realize that they just want to determine what level of skill I was at in reading, english and math, I did not want to expose myself to possible humiliation.  The last test was at 5:00.  I had time to make it.  I don't know what forced got me in that car but I found myself driving to the school.  The entire time I challenged myself if this was the right thing to do.  I was struggling to find the testing center when a man came up to me and asked if I needed help.  To my surprise it was the encouraging man on the phone just several hours before.  My first tender mercy.  He calmed my fears all the way to the testing center.  I find myself in a room full of 20 year olds...again the doubts come but I was stuck in that room rather I liked it or not.  I took the test and found that my english was above average, I tested out of reading and I bombed math.  No surprises there.  OK, now I have done the hard thing, I can go home and feel good about my step into the darkness.  Not sure I want to commit to the next step of signing up for a class yet.  

The following morning Monica Reyna came to visit teach me and the message almost took my breath away..."Seek Education and Lifelong Learning".  My step of faith just received an answer!  It was a moment of tender mercy.  It was Elder Hales comment that sealed my heart to the idea of taking that spanish class.  Here is his council:

"A few of the basic attributes needed to become a lifelong learner are courage, faithful desire, humility, patience, curiosity, and a willingness to communicate and share the knowledge that we gain.  My dear sisters, don't ever sell yourself short as a woman or as a mother.  Do not let the world define, denigrate, or limit your feelings of lifelong learning and the values of motherhood in the home - both here mortally and in the eternal learning and benefits you give to your children and to your companion.  Lifelong learning is essential to the vitality of the human mind, body, and soul.  It enhances self-worth and self-actuation.  Lifelong learning is invigorating mentally and is a great defense against aging, depression, and self-doubt."

I got in my car and drove to MCC and signed up for Spanish 101, T,Th from 1-3.  

I am very nervous but it is my turn to do for myself what I have helped everyone else around me do.  I have been the wind beneath everyones wings...it is time for me to be the bird.  Wish me luck!