Positive Communication in Marriage

Yesterday I taught a lesson in our Spanish Branch from the Marriage and Family relations class.  It was on Positive Communication in marriage.  I shared an experience when my husband had come home from a priesthood meeting with an assignment to ask me what he was doing wrong and what he could do better as a husband and father.  In my silent moment before I responded I thought back on all the times I thought my constructive criticism would motivate my husband to change.  It never did.  It gave him now two tasks.  To change and to feel bad about himself.   I quickly responded...'Nothing.  You are perfect for me."  Of course, none of us are perfect but we should not dwell on what we aren't.  And with a spouse we feel turmoil about something we can do nothing about.  I can love him and build him up.  That I can do.  

Brigham Young councils women on this subject.  It can apply to both husband or wife.

"Were I a woman possessed of great powers of mind, filled with a wisdom, and, upon the whole, a magnanimous woman, and had been privileged with my choice, and had married a man...he not answering my expectations, and I being sorry that I made such a choice, let me show my wisdom by not complaining about it.  By seeking to cast off her husband, by withdrawing her confidence and good will from him, she casts a dark shade upon his path, when, by pursuing a proper course of love, obedience, and encouragement, he might attain to the perfection she had anticipated in him."

I confess my approach may appear too unrealistic so I asked all the men in the room when criticism from their wives helped.  Without exception they said "never". It is our nature, young and old alike...we improve with positive affirmation.  

With that thought I need to share something with my son...

Brad, I neglected to share something with you the other night that needed to be shared.  When we were in your home unpacking and you and I were organizing the food storage,  I was filled with gratitude as I thought how lucky your children were to have a father that is first of all obedient to a prophets voice but even more importantly you are taking seriously the responsibility to preside, provide and protect your little family.  Patience as a father will come because you want so much to be obedient.  I could not be more proud.  I love you.